IVF Update #2 - Pre Treatment Appointments, The Judgement

In the UK, anyone undergoing any form of fertility treatment involving donor eggs, sperm or embryos must attend a session with a counsellor to ensure they understand the full implications of the treatment they are about to undertake.  This not only a requirement of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Association (HFEA), but it’s also a great way to discuss openly the emotional side of creating a family.

However, being two women and having been together 10 years, Kerry and I have discussed the emotions and implications of this to the moon and back. We’ve talked ourselves in, we’ve talked ourselves out, we’ve postponed twice for ‘one more 'just us' holiday’ and if talking over glasses of Chateau made babies we would be a family of 12 by now.

Our session was booked for the first week after the new year.  I was back at work but kerry was still on Christmas leave (trying not to make a comment about bloody teachers and bloody holidays).  As we were getting ready, I started putting make up on.  I never put make up on.  Kerry looked at me strangely but didn’t say anything.  I then started to straighten my hair.  Again Kerry said nothing.  Then when I asked if she minded ironing my shirt along with her own, curiosity finally got the better of her; ‘Babe why are you getting dressed up?’  I explained that I didn’t want the counsellor to think I was a scruff!  My wife then pointed out that the way I dress had never bothered me before so what was so different about this appointment?  Cue a big rant about feeling like this was the judgement that this was the one thing we could control in all this!  

If somethings become obvious during this process, we can't control very much.  We can’t help how many follicles I have or how we will respond to drugs, we can’t help the traffic we always get caught in on the way to the clinic or that all of our appointments seem to literally take half the day - we can however, control how we are perceived by this bloody counsellor who will be throwing her two-penneth into the ever-expanding dossier the clinic has on each of us - seriously we’ve only been like twice and I swear the folder is thicker than my GP medical records for my entire life! 

On enduring my 15 minute rant, my wife quickly agreed with my rationale and changed out of her active wear into something a little more professional. 

The session itself was good, more box-tickey than anything else.  Either way, wether it was the smart clothes or our obvious understanding of what we about to embark on, we where cleared by the counsellor to proceed to the next step, genetic matching - sperm finding time!