Poppets, Atoms and Brian

A couple of Christmases ago, I booked my wife tickets to see Brian cox; knowing how far in advance the show was, we had imagined we would probably have a new-born by the time it came around.  Alas, fate stuck it’s hand in and instead of trying to arrange a babysitter, we spent Sunday trying to arrange our hungover brains into some sort of order before they prepared to be mangled all over again with science. 

We arrived at the arena a little early, so my wife suggested a light snack.  I’ll type this quickly because I don’t want to relive the horror - 2 hot dogs 2 french fries 2 diet cokes £23.45!  Just to put that into context: four of us had had a meal the previous week in our local pub and that came to £19.50 (including a glass of wine for my Nanna)!  Soon after swallowing the food (and the cost), the wife started wandering over to the merchandise; I started to get cold sweats and a strange sensation in my purse...  
"Look at those cool sweatshirts." she remarked, innocently. 
"How about this key ring?" I mumbled in return.
In the end, she compromised on a programme; another £10 for a few sheets of paper that contained nothing about Brian Cox I couldn’t find on Wikipedia but I felt it was the best compromise I could manage somewhere between dutiful wife and tight b**ch! 

Anyway, we got ourselves settled in our seats, and I was impressed that my pre 20k-down-the-ivf-drain self had splashed out on the tickets, resulting in us being very close to the front.

As the show started, I realised that this was not going to be a dumbed-down version, as he went straight in with the time-space continuum.  Now, I consider myself an intelligent person but this was something else; I kept wanting to get out my Sky Plus remote and pause the show so I could google things.  I looked over to my wife who was nodding along intently... I whispered, "Do you understand any of this?"  
She replied with a smile and a shrug remarking "I love his voice!" Jesus Christ - £170 and I could of just bought her a bloody audio book read by Brian cox! 

To make matters worse, we were sat in front of a pair of sweet-wrapper-rustlers.  I was trying so hard to concentrate but all I could hear was the greedy guts behind opening sweet papers!  The worse thing was, they where trying to do it slowly and quietly, which inevitably made the entire unwrapping louder and longer.  I was trying to work out how to discreetly let them know I wasn’t happy with this arrangement, as my loud sighs just weren’t getting through to them, but was held back by my Britishness. 

Alas, half-time brought some welcome rest-bite and an opportunity for us to process (Google) what we had just listened to for the last hour. My wife asked if I wanted to leave our seats.  Absolutely not!  I’m not going out into the foyer where they trick you into buying more things, I’m staying put, I paid good money for these seats! I managed to keep her distracted with a bit more Googeling and some (in depth) discussion actually kidding ourselves that we were finally starting to understand some of theories behind the first half of the show. I was beginning to look forward to the 2nd half!

Then, the sweet rustlers returned with a box of f**king Poppets! My enthusiasm dwindled in an instant and much to my wife's annoyance (because I'd pointed it out to her) she too begin to wince with every shake of the plastic Poppet-filled carton.  As the 2nd half began, so did the shaking and the chewing.  Back and forth, louder and louder.  As my wife was contemplating atoms, I was contemplating whether it would be really uncouth to turn around, snatch the bloody sweets out of their piggy little hands and throw them into outer space!  

I tried desperately to zone out 34 and 35 G and really get stuck into the show, and it even worked for a little while; I nodded along and begin to kid myself I was actually understanding some of it.  I was so pleased with myself!  Here I was on a Sunday night actually understanding quantum physics (and soon, not just nodding along, actually understanding it). 

Rustle, rustle, shake, bloody shake!  I couldn’t hold it any longer; I turned my head and shot them my very best British glare.  You know, the one that says "Do you f**king mind?!" without having to say a word. Needless to say, I think they got my message as they returned an equally British look that says, "I’m ever so sorry!" again, without saying a word!

Sweet rustling and expensive hot dogs aside, it was actually a really good night, Brian Cox was charming and insightful; and yes, I do have to agree, he has got a sexy voice!