No-I'm-a-stay (Why I don't do Yoga)

Today is Tuesday.  Tuesday is Yoga night.  

My wife and my mother took up yoga about 6 months ago, at the time, both of them, along with my personal trainer, tried to talk me into going to yoga with them.  Here are the excuses I gave them:

1. I'm about as flexible as a cold rod of iron.  Where some struggle to touch their toes, I struggle to touch my knees.
2. I am one of those people that can't handle silence, awkwardness or, heaven forbid, awkward silences.  I giggle. I can't help it.  My mind gets distracted and the more I tell myself "don't laugh, don't laugh," the worse it is.  No one wants to hear that half-way through their downward facing dog, do they?
3. I don't think I need to be the epicentre of every family activity.  I think it's good for the wife and the mother to bond over something that isn't me (even if I do provide the entertainment).
4. Flatulence.  The pure stress of trying not to fart during an arse-in-the-air move would be too much for me to bear.  It wouldn't be my core I'd be engaging, it would be my ass as I tried desperately not to be the one that farts in yoga.

So they were the four reasons I gave and everyone seemed satisfied with my justification for not joining them at Tuesday night yoga.

Now, here is the real reason I don't go to Tuesday night yoga... for one night a week for 3 solid hours I am king of my castle, master of my own destiny.  I get to take a long bath and top it up with the hot water tap as many times as I like.  I get to watch 'How it's Made' programmes on TV that I wouldn't admit to my wife I like to watch.  I get to eat freezer-crap for my dinner because there's no point cooking a meal for one and finally  I get to gossip on the phone for ages to the other woman in my life, My Nanna.  That, my friends, is what I call living the dream!  And it's for all of those reasons I will not be donning a yoga mat and praying to the sun anytime soon! 

Having said all that, today, as I was leaving work, my Tuesday night yoga bubble was burst as my wife called to say it was cancelled.  She suggested, as we've still not done a big shop, she would nip to Sainsbury's on her way home and pick up something NICE FOR TEA.  

And so it comes around again!