IVF Update #3 - The Sperm Pt. 1

I think anyone who has been through a similar process will agree that choosing the sperm is the part to most look forward to.  It wouldn't involve any probes or needles or embarrassing questions.  It would just be me and the wife on a Friday night with a bottle of Chateau, country music in the background, aimlessly scrolling through potential donors until we found our perfect guy.  He would  be tall, highly educated, creative, an artist, he would love animals and of course he would be super good looking.  As it turns out this donor doesn't exist - surprise, surprise!  So what was it we were looking for in the genetic make-up of our potential offspring?  

For my wife, things were fairly simple.  She knew that she wanted someone that looked a little bit like her, light eyes, light hair and fairly tall - but for me, I began by thinking of all the things that I love about my wife, the reasons I chose her as my mate.   I love her, she is funny, creative, artistic.  She has a tiny birth mark in her eye that reminds me of a fleck of paint, she is sociable, kind, nurturing, adventurous.  She pushes me to be my most courageous everyday and life with her in it is so much better than life without her.  What I wanted was to have a baby that was half me and half my wife.  Simply put, if 2 eggs could make a baby it would be problem solved - but I think that would be feminism gone a bit too far, even for a thirty-something lesbian like me.

Without a sperm version of 'comparethemarket.com' (is there a business idea in that somewhere?) we began with London Sperm Bank.  It felt like the safest place to start.  Back when we started thinking about this whole thing - maybe 4 years ago now - London Sperm bank was the go-to for a little look at what was available, to start imagining what our family could be.  They seemed to have a few possibilities.  But unlike 4 years ago, this was looking 'for real'.  We wanted the perfect match.  So like any good internet shopper we added a couple of donors to our 'save for later' basket and started perusing other sites,  just to make sure we where getting the best deal. The European Sperm Bank had a few good box-tickers and the California Sperm Bank was an eye opener!

After what felt like hours of searching, we seemed to stumble across the perfect guy.  A little short perhaps, but his credentials added up.  Artistic, positive nature, gentle, liked animals, creative etc.  We thought we'd hit the sperm-jackpot!  This was the one!  

Feeling confident with our find, the next morning we marched into our nurses' appointment ready to announce that we'd done the job for them, we had a donor, he was great and our perfect match!  Future offspring, sorted.  45 minutes later we were to be royally shutdown.

"Yes, you can go with London, that wouldn't be a problem...but..." was pretty much how the conversation went.  Within the space of 30 seconds my wife had deflated like a sad helium balloon left over at a birthday party.  She looked at me with exasperated eyes and I truly didn't know what to say.  It went on.  "I'll put you on the list at the clinic anyway, of course it could be up to a 3-month wait for a donor..."  If the chairs we were sat on could physically sink into the ground, they would've done at this point.  I could see it in the eyes of my wife, she was doing exactly the same thing as me, counting the weeks that would hold the treatment up by waiting for a donor, all the while sitting on  a seemingly perfect one from the London Sperm Bank...  This was going to require a lot more contemplation.